Non Party Politics

My husband and I need more credit cards, but I want the kind that someone else pays for. If I hurry and get a job with the government, maybe I can get one of those credit cards that government employees are using to buy all those necessities of life, like say. . .”$640,000 from 2000 to 2006 to a live-in boyfriend, who used the money for gambling, car expenses and mortgage payments.”

Now before you get all huffy, let me explain.

I am very happily married, so I wouldn’t give the money to a live-in boyfriend. No sir! All of my credit card charges would go to benefit my husband, who would NEVER use the money for gambling.

Since we live pretty frugally, I would spend the money wisely. Yes, it would be important to purchase an iPod, and perhaps a Mac Air laptop, and a couple of cell phones, but then everybody needs those, right? And, of course, if the government trusted me with my very own credit card (that they paid the bills for) I would purchase things that would boost the economy. None of that fancy lingerie stuff, after all, I’m a great-grandmother. But a few days at a spa might be good for me and it would be the least I can do to help circulate the wealth.

I also promise not to “charge $1,100 over a 15-month period for “various online dating services” while . . . under investigation for viewing pornography on a government computer.” I don’t even like pornography, so why would I waste the government’s money on it? And, as I mentioned earlier, my husband is the only dating service I need.

Since I like to cook, and I enjoy family and friend get-togethers, I wouldn’t have to spend “$13,500 in 2006 on a dinner at a steak house, including over 200 appetizers and over $3,000 of alcohol”. Heavens! With that kind of money, I could feed my entire little town several times over AND have enough money left over to buy all my Christmas presents early. Although, the idea of going to Sam’s or Costco and buying all those ready-made “ore durvs” would certainly make entertaining festive and easier.

Well, there’s probably no point in applying for a government job now. The ‘cat is out of the bag’ and the Government Accountability Office has already discovered the widespread abuse of those credit cards, with over half of the expenditures being suspicious.

Guess I have to pay for my own credit cards. Sigh!

Wait a minute! This scandal means that we the taxpayers are stuck paying for those misused cards. GRRR!

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